Melissa Murphy

If working out is making you too tired for sex, then it may be time to change your exercise routine.

Words: Melissa Murphy

Exercise is well-known for boosting our sex drives, but if we exercise too much, then it can have the opposite effect. So if you’re training for a marathon or have a gruelling gym regime, you might find that sex is the last thing on your mind when you finally hit the sack.

According to personal trainer, Amelia Watts (who is the founder of Benefit Personal Training www.benefitpersonaltraining.co.uk ),  there is a fine balance between exercise and our sex drives: “Exercise is generally more likely to increase your sex drive. It increases the production of hormones, as well as releasing pheromones which attract the opposite sex. But if you exercise to excess, any health benefits could be reversed.”

Although exercise is generally a good thing for our health and well-being, some caution is needed. Exercise acts as a stress on our bodies, which is why rest periods are essential so that our bodies have a chance to repair. This in turn makes us fitter and stronger. The problem begins when our bodies have too many stresses to deal with. “If we overdo it, our body triggers a stress response, releasing stress hormones such as cortisol,” says Amelia.

The body’s stress response dates back to our caveman days. It is also known as the ‘fight or flight’ syndrome. When our body perceives a threat, it pumps out stress hormones causing a number of physiological effects, such as increased heart rate. Our body is preparing to fight the threat or run away. This is our survival instinct and when we are trying to stay alive, sex is the last thing that our bodies have time for. This is why in times of stress, our desire for sex evaporates.

So when we exercising intensely, two things happen. Firstly, we feel tired and drained. Secondly, the stress hormones released decrease our desire for sex. So if you have a demanding exercise routine and are wondering why you don’t want sex, this is why!

Striking a balance
But how much exercise is too much? Personal trainers often advise reviewing your fitness routine every six weeks to make sure it is still challenging you. And there is a fine balance to be struck between exercising too much and too little.

Even recommended guidelines may not be appropriate for you. Exercising for an hour, three times a week, could be too much for some individuals. “If you’re following recommended guidelines, then you’re unlikely to have a problem unless there is stress in other parts of your life,” advises Amelia.

These stresses could be anything from a pressured job, moving house, sleeping problems, a bad diet, smoking or a heavy consumption of alcohol and caffeine. “All of these things stress the body, and the amount of exercise you do should be considered in light of your whole lifestyle,” explains Amelia.

So for someone with a lot of stress, one or two sessions of exercise a week could be enough. Likewise, someone not working or with a fairy stress-free life will benefit from increased activity.

“The key is to listen to your body. You need to be guided by how your body feels,” says Amelia. “Are you arriving at the gym feeling tired? Do you fall asleep the moment your head hits the pillow? How is your health – do you get a lot of colds?”

All these signs point to whether you are exhausting your body or not. However, it is important to remember that exercise is not the only cause of a loss of sex drive. Are there any unresolved emotional problems within your relationship? Are you taking any medications which could be causing the problem? It is a good idea to visit your GP to make sure nothing else is at the root of your problem.

Good hormones
If you do think your exercise routine is to blame, then there are a number of steps you can take. The first thing to think about is whether you need to reduce the amount or length of sessions you undertake. Are you exercising too much generally? If you are feeling run down, get ill a lot or have injuries, then simply cutting down could be the answer. Do you always have rest days between training? This is also vital for your body to repair and heal.

The next thing to consider is the type of exercise. “Cardiovascular exercise is the type most likely to cause a stress response,” says Amelia. If your workouts are mainly high-impact and cardio-based, then changing your routine could help. Go for stretching exercises or core strengthening exercises instead.

“Most people forget they can be flexible with their exercise routine. You can adapt it to suit your needs. If you get to the gym and feel tired, opt for gentle stretching or a low-impact class. This will stimulate your body and get the good hormones going again,” Amelia advises.

You may also want to consider breathing and relaxation exercises to tackle any stress or anxiety you are feeling. “I recommend an exercise called Piston Breathing,” says Amelia. “You take in one long, deep breath through your nose. Then breathe out in short, sharp breaths and repeat three to ten times. This helps to get oxygen pumping round your blood quickly, waking you up and stimulating you.”

The time you exercise may also need to be adjusted too. “It’s better to exercise in the morning and avoid exercising after 7pm. Exercising at night can interfere with your sleep,” explains Amelia. So if you normally exercise after work, it may be better to change this to before you go to work. This should leave you feeling more energetic, and more likely to be in the mood for sex, in the evenings.

You could also consider changing your sex routine too. If you’ve fallen into the habit of having sex when you go to bed, it might be worth setting the alarm earlier to see if the mornings work better for both of you.

Alarm bells
If you have lost your sex drive, you may have found it has affected you gradually. You may have not even noticed something was wrong until your partner pointed it out. But losing your sex drive could be your body giving you an early warning sign. Excessive exercise can cause all kinds of health problems - loss of sex drive is just one symptom. You could be lowering your immunity, increasing your chances of an injury and damage your bone health. It could also interfere with your hormone production, possibly even leading to a loss of periods and fertility problems. Although not feeling in the mood for sex can easily be dismissed, it’s important to listen to any alarm bells coming from your body.

“If you’re exercising to excess, you won’t be getting fitter or stronger. You will not receive any of the physiological benefits that exercise can bring. If you’re body is under stress it will be concentrating on dealing with this,” explains Amelia.

Finally, it may not be you who has lost your desire but your partner. What is the best way of coping when your partner’s exercise routine has changed their desire for sex?

“Talking is vital here,” advises Amelia. “You need to tell your partner exactly how you feel and tell them you need their reassurance. They may not have realised that there is a problem. Once they realise how it is affecting you, they may be more than happy to change their routine.”

Another option could be to train together. This way you benefit from spending quality time together and may both feel equally tired when you eventually go to bed!

Is exercise interfering with your sex life?

- Has your sex life decreased?
- Has your partner expressed concern about your lack of sex drive?
- Would you normally prefer to go to sleep than have sex?
- Are you spending less time with your partner because of your workout routine?

If you answered mostly yes to these questions, then your exercise routine could be disrupting your sex life. Visit your GP to rule out any other causes as loss of sex drive can sometimes be a side-effect of medication or other conditions. If exercise is the problem, then visit a personal trainer to devise a routine that is less stressful for your body.
Are you exercising too much?
 
- Do you often exercise after 7pm?
- Do you have problems sleeping?
- Would you rather stay in than go out and socialise?
- Have you had more than four colds or bouts of illness in the last year?
- Are you suffering from increased injuries?
- Are family or friends expressing concerns about the amount of training you are doing?
- Do you have a high-pressured job or young children?
- Do you have any other major stresses in your life?

If you answered mostly yes to these questions, then you may need to reassess your exercise routine. Visit a personal trainer for advice on a routine that is more compatible for your lifestyle.