Melissa Murphy

Laula Lavin, 22, is seeing three different men to cope with her constant craving for sex. REAL meets the glamour model who can’t go without intercourse for even one day.

Feature: Melissa Murphy

As I peeled off my clothes and slipped into the racy lingerie, all I could think about was the male photographer. Posing provocatively across a fur throw, I ran my fingers across my bare thigh, pouted and winked at him. I thought about what it would feel like for him to drop my camera and run his hands all over me…

I first realised I might have a problem with sex when I was 18 years old and at college. I know that most teenage girls think about men a lot, but I struggled to think about anything else. My mind was constantly bombarded by intense erotic fantasies and I was always being reprimanded for not being able to focus on anything in class. I really struggled to get any of my work completed.

As time went on, I didn’t think about sex any less. After college I sought out jobs that would deliberately put me in contact with loads of members of the opposite sex, so I began working as a secretary on a building site. I was a dream come true to be surrounded by semi-naked men. I would be transfixed for hours staring at them working. It was like being an alcoholic and stuck in an off-licence. I actually ended up developing a real fetish for rigger boots.

I relished the attention I received from ny buff builder colleagues. If I walked through the site, all the men would call out, and every wolf-whistle made me tingle with excitement inside. But, in spite of being utterly aroused by it, I only slept with two of them. We would often sneak off and have mad, passionate sex on the actual building site. It was my only way of coping throughout the day.

My addiction then led me to my current career as a glamour model. What better occupation for a woman with my addiction? As much as I loved ravishing men on the building site, the idea of dressing up in skimpy underwear and posing for men to ogle at me appealed even more. Even now, just the thought makes me incredibly alluring and gives me a real high. While posing, I can think about sex all the time and it’s a real turn on when men on the set become aroused by me. Working in this industry is my dream – it suits all my needs. I am no longer bound by office hours, or my emotions – I don’t have a problem concentrating any more as I’m focusing on what was causing my mind to wander in the first place – sex. Also, the travelling allows me to see and meet as many men as possible.

I have had one night stands in the past but now I prefer my regular lovers. One night stands can be risky – you never really know who you’re going home with and I don’t want to put myself in danger. When I was looking for one-night stands, I used to trawl the bars and clubs, and I knew that I wouldn’t be going home alone. When it comes to seducing men you’ve either got it or you haven’t. I’m lucky, I suppose, as men always stare at me and chat me up so I’ve never found it hard to find someone to share a bed with me for the night.

I can’t remember ever going without sex for longer than 48 hours. There mere thought of it makes me tense up. Sex is the ultimate rush for me – I’m like a ticking timebomb – without my regular fix I’ll explode and descend in the most hideous, foul mood. I’ll snap at anyone and everyone until I’m rolling around naked in bed being fondled and caressed. But as soon as I’ve had sex I’m perfectly pleasant, totally calm and happy again.

I do worry about how my addiction will affect my friendships though. It’s impossible for me to any kind of platonic friendship with a man, for example, and I always cancel my plans with girlfriends to go and sleep with men, but I can’t really help how I feel. Being single for any amount of time would be just unbearable for me. I suffer chronic insomnia if I haven’t had sex and can’t seem to relax or switch off. During the odd evening alone, I have tried to cope by sending erotic texts to men at stupid hours in the night or by watching sex films, but it doesn’t stop my yearning like a good romp does.

The only way I have been able to manage my needs is to have several boyfriends at once. At the moment, I’m alternating between three different men and this arrangement works really well. The main man I’m involved with has another girlfriend who doesn’t know a thing about me. He has a similar appetite for lovemaking and when we are together we really raise the roof and never set foot outside the bedroom. None of my lovers know about each other and, luckily, they live in different towns. I can’t take the risk of letting them know about one another as I have had jealous lovers in the past who have become possessive. I need to have the freedom to have lots of sex with different men if I want to. I’ve never been in a monogamous relationship in my life and don’t imagine I ever will.

The idea that I could hurt someone does worry me; that’s not my intention. I don’t feel like I’m using men, I do care for each and every one of them, it’s just that it’s impossible for me to have one man. One person couldn’t satisfy my relentless appetite, and it makes me worry that if I was with someone for a long time, the sex may stop being really amazing and raunchy. Imagine that? It’d be a nightmare.

I travel a lot for my job and I often never know where I will be from week to week. This makes it easier to be casual with my boyfriends and gives me the perfect excuse if I find myself accidentally double-booked with two different guys.

I admit that my need for sex gets in the way of my life. I plan my whole social life and work arrangements around when I can have sex. I wish that I could be in control of my drive sometimes, but it’s so hard. I haven’t received any counselling and I’m hesitant to do so as I don’t think that I’m hurting anyone. I’m happy with my life and I love seeing several men. My life may not be for everyone, but it suits and fulfils me.

What is sex addiction?

Experts define sexual addiction as any sexual activity that feels out of control. Symptoms are:
• multiple affairs
• excessive use of pornography
• compulsive masturbation
• telephone or internet sex
• high-risk sex
• anonymous sexual encounters
“Sex can become addictive in a similar way to alcohol and illegal drugs,” says Paula Hall, a sexual psychotherapist with Relate. “During sex, our bodies release a powerful cocktail of chemicals that make us feel good. Some people get addicted to these chemicals and become obsessed with getting their next fix - their next sexual high. As with other addictions, the body also gets used to these chemicals, so the sufferer needs increasing amounts of sex to achieve the same buzz.”

How common is it? 
• According to conservative estimates, between three and six per cent of the population suffer from sexual addiction, but it’s likely that the real figure is much higher. Sufferers often feel too embarrassed to seek help so experts believe the real figure is much higher.
• There’s no typical profile of a sex addict. Sufferers come from many different backgrounds and are just as likely to be women as men. Current figures show that approximately 20 per cent are female. Paula Hall believes that women can experience particular problems being taken seriously when they seek help for compulsive sexual behaviour.
• Sufferers are unlikely to be able to change their behaviour on their own. Seeing a professional therapist is recommended to help a sufferer to change their sexual lifestyle.

Useful contacts

Sex Addicts Anonymous London - call back answer phone 020 8946 2436 or email saauk@ukonline.co.uk.  www.sexaa.org   
British Association of Sexual and Relationship Therapists - offers a directory of private sex therapists.www.basrt.org.uk
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous - www.slaafws.org; UK contact 07951 815087.
Relate – provides relationship counseling and sexual therapy to couples.www.relate.org